The idea of ‘Parenting Out Loud’ is that dads can be loud and proud, open and transparent, about their caring responsibilities at work.
The campaign launched in April, and you may have seen their takeover of the London Underground, with posters across Euston, Victoria and Waterloo stations.
‘Parenting Out Loud’ involves men:
Requesting flexible working for childcare reasons
Being ‘loud and proud’ about taking parental leave
Coming back from parental leave, blogging about it and telling colleagues how good it was and what they learnt
Using their out-of-office to talk about childcare responsibilities
Being honest with line managers when they need to work from home to look after their sick children
During the General Election campaign, now-Prime Minister Keir Starmer was criticised by the Conservative Party for asserting his intention to finish working on Fridays at 6pm, because it’s reserved for family time.
A while before that, Piers Morgan criticised Daniel Craig for wearing a papoose – questioning his masculinity.
Elliott Rae works with organisations, through keynotes, workshops, and consultancy, to help them support working dads.
According to Elliott, during the pandemic lockdowns, one positive thing that happened was men got to spend more time with their children than ever before, due to having to work from home. Many men found this to be a profoundly positive experience, improving their relationships with their children and making them happier and mentally healthier as a result.
Read the full interview with Elliott Rae, Author, Speaker, and Founder of ‘Parenting Out Loud’:
Q: What challenges do working dads face in the workplace?
A: Before I get into that, I just want to say working mums have faced challenges for years. It's good we're now talking about the challenges working dads are facing, because that helps create more equality in the workplace.
It means working dads are more involved and active as parents, and they're going to come across some of those same challenges mothers have faced.
Policy: statutory paternity leave in the UK, at present, is one of the least favourable in Europe. It works out at about £182 per week. And around one-in-five dads don't take any paternity leave at all, just because of affordability.
Shared parental leave hasn’t worked. Yes, some people have had some good examples and situations with it, but as a macro policy, it just hasn't worked. The take up has been around four per cent of eligible couples across the country.
Flexible working: we know, across the UK, men are less likely to ask for flexible working. When they do, they are less likely to have those requests approved, due to traditional gendered ideas about who does caregiving in the home. This exists because managers and leaders are products of their environment. That results in dads being scared to ask for flexible working and not getting it when they do.
It's good we’re talking about flexible working in a range of different industries. In many industries where you have to be onsite, around fifty per cent of the working population, this can be a more difficult issue to address, but it should still be reviewed.
Culture: outdated ideas of what it means to be a man, what it means to be a dad – that men aren't equal caregivers or caregivers at all – still exist in many homes and workplaces. This can be a real challenge for dads when it comes to them being caregivers and having a job.
Q: Why do you think these challenges exist?
A: For decades, society has done things in a certain way. We've had quite rigid gendered parenting roles over the years, and we are still living in a world where they exist.
We may be fighting back against them, but we still have strong ideas around who does the care within households. We haven't reformed government policies to match some Nordic countries, who are doing things much better than we are.
However, in a way, Covid and the lockdown were good for fathers. They spent more time with their children than ever before. For decades, men have dominated in senior roles across industries, and a lot of the time they got there with the help of a stay-at-home partner.
We've done this for many years, and it's an exciting time now, where we are starting to rethink what family could look like, what success is for men, and the options available to dads to be able to do things differently.
Q: To what extent could this help women be more successful at work?
A: Not to namedrop, but I was invited to see Michelle Obama last year in Munich. She spoke about parenting and social impact and leadership. At one point, the interviewer asked Michelle, “How do we support more women, like you, who are successful in their careers? You're the former first lady, but you're also a very involved mother.” And she said, “We get men to do more.”
Society has changed so much. Both partners are increasingly working full time. There needs to be a fundamental shift in how we set up the care in our household. And we are not there yet at all. We know that even in couples where a man and woman both work full time, mothers will still do most of the childcare and domestic care.
The conversations we’re having now are not just good for mums, but for dads too. Research shows men are happier when they have close relationships with their children. Success for many men now looks like: yes, career progression and earning money – but also having strong relationships, knowing our children, and looking after our wellbeing.
We are moving away from just being breadwinners, which was quite damaging for our longevity, health and relationships.
Q: What impact could longer paternity leave have on working fathers?
A: Enhanced paid paternity leave, and an organisational culture that supports dads to take it, is fundamental. When they take it, it has profound impacts on the family.
It's important for expectant dads to think about the kind of parent they want to be; the bond they want to have, what kind of music they're going to play or sing to them, what books they're going to read them, what kind of dad they want to be to their child – and build that connection before their baby's even born.
They should be part of the birthing process, and an integral part of the family set up in those first early months.
When dads have that opportunity to bond with their baby, they can learn how to parent independently. We need that time to build strong relationships between fathers and children. We know that when dads can do that, they are more likely to be active caregivers for the rest of a child's life.
It's sad that we have a statutory paternity policy that means dads have just two weeks off. Lots of men will have a physiological, psychological, emotional, even physical change, after becoming a parent. A lot of dads will have a drop in testosterone, for example. That's nature's lovely way of helping us to be caregivers.
We need time to adapt to what it means to be a father. Our life and our relationship with our partner have changed fundamentally. We know that one-in-10 dads suffer from some form of post-natal depression, along with one-in-five mums. One of the key risk indicators for dads developing post-natal depression is a lack of bond with their baby.
Q: In addition to longer parental leave, what support do you think employers should be providing fathers in their workforce?
A: Longer parental leave is imperative. There are around 90-to-100 organisations that have offered equal parental leave – and many more that have enhanced their paternity leave to six-weeks, paid, or 12-weeks, paid, which is fantastic. I think that sends a strong signal. But of course, paternity leave doesn't solve the issues themselves. There’s much more employers can do.
Firstly, they should think about equity and equality when making decisions on who should be allowed to work flexibly, to avoid any bias, and consider what flexible working looks like for working dads.
Organisations should implement dad networks. Having a solid community and conversations in the workplace about the shared experience is so powerful. They can share joys and challenges. Everyone has a different circumstance, so they can explore nuances. These groups can have a significant impact on the wellbeing of fathers. It can also make work feel like a sanctuary, rather than a place that compounds the issues you have at home.
Organisations are starting to understand the power of staff networks for parents, and that dads need their own group within that parenting network. Post-Covid, we’ve seen many big organisations, for example Microsoft and the Co-op, launch spaces for dads.
Role modelling and leadership: leaders who ‘Parent Out Loud’ are compassionate, have empathy, and can challenge their own ideas about gendered parenting roles, support working dads to take the full parental leave that's available, to work flexibly, to make sure they understand employees have lives outside of work and support them being equal caregivers.
Q: To what extent do support needs change depending on the age of their children?
A: Good question, because it's very tempting to focus just on the early years. Don't get me wrong, the early years are important for setting a foundation for what parenting and fatherhood and childcare responsibilities look like in a household.
But we have parental responsibilities for our whole lives. I'm sure there are people reading this who have children going to university or living back home with them after study.
We published a book called ‘Dad’. It’s a curation of 20 stories from different men. There's one story from a dad who talks about his children becoming his friends when they got older and went to university.
There's a story about a dad who became a father during Covid and stories around miscarriage and stillbirth, gay fatherhood, and co-parenting. It's a great example of dads talking deeply about the whole parenting aspect.
Q: What cultural changes would you like to see implemented across UK workplaces?
A: The culture of an organisation represents how things are done, how we make decisions, and how we treat people. It's important for leaders to understand what their company culture looks like, and what that means for people in their organisation.
When it comes to working dads, we know strong, supportive, inclusive cultures will result in higher retention of talent. Dads are going to want to come to work for you, and they're going to be mentally fit and want to go above and beyond.
Cultural change work is deep. It means investing in really getting to know your people. Leaders need to be accountable for how they’re contributing to creating an inclusive environment where everyone can thrive. They must have behavioural standards, call out bad behaviour, amplify good practice, and role model ‘Parenting Out Loud’.
I've seen so many people get promoted into leadership roles because of their core professional competency, over and above their ability to lead people. Leading people is a skill we can all learn. When we can create good leaders, we can build positive cultures.
That means those leaders need development and support to understand how to be people-people; the power of active listening, how to implement policies in the right way, to champion staff networks, to be aware of the data and information in their areas, and in their blind spots.
Q: Overall, what piece of advice you would give business leaders to ensure working fathers in their workplace feel sufficiently supported?
A: My advice for leaders would be to invest in supporting working dads to ‘Parent Out Loud’, support dads to be loud and proud about their care responsibilities. Eighty per cent of the gender pay gap is the motherhood penalty – the way in which having a baby can impact a woman's career.
If we want to really encourage gender equity and women's progression in the workplace into senior levels, we must engage with dads being active and equal parents. Those two things are so interlinked it's impossible to get gender equality and female representation in senior roles without engaging dads to be equal parents.
Leaders should also understand the mental health and wellbeing of their people, and of dads. Dads have joys, but also challenges and issues, and they need to be supported through those issues.
Ultimately, this is where society is going. Research shows younger people, including younger parents, are making decisions on where they're going to work based on how much the organisation cares about their whole life – not just their work life.
If you’re looking for a talented professional to join your organisation, or a new opportunity, contact your nearest Reed office now.
